Time seems to move so fast these days and I cannot do anything to slow it down. Oh how I wish I could slow it down. My sweet baby girl will turn 1 in less than a month. When did that happen? And my sweet little boy will be going to preschool in a few short months. When did that happen? I know these times are supposed to come and go to make room for new times and it is all a big circle but I just wish I could slow it down and savor some of these times. Of course with the amazing times comes the not so amazing times. Does anyone else ever have those bad mommy days? The days were you feel like no matter what you do it is not good enough? You yelled too much, you got frustrated over the little things, you shook you head in despair. I hate those days and every time I have one I vow to do better but sure enough one will sneak up on me again. How do I stop them?
I write to God for the wisdom to know how to stop them and maybe they are not meant to be stopped. Maybe it is a part of my journey as a mother and learning to be a better one, but man this journey makes me feel defeated some days. For some reason I have this picture in my head that my children are going to grow up and only have memories of me yelling. I am not sure if this stems from my own childhood or where it comes from but I don't want those to be the memories they have. I want them to have the memories of me rolling on the floor playing animals, picnic's in the park, running through sprinklers, sparklers on the 4th of July. Don't get me wrong, I do not live in a fools paradise and think all their memories are to be happy ones, or that I will never yell. In all actuality I think sometimes there is nothing you can do but yell. Sometimes it seems it is the only way my 3 year old will listen. I don't know if I am making any sense or just rambling at this time, but does anyone else struggle with the mom guilt of yelling? Like I feel like I am crushing their little souls when it happens :(. I will continue to write to God for the wisdom I know he will bestow on me but it sure would be nice to know I am not alone!
It is May now. Our family is going to be moving soon. We are in the process of building a new house and needless to say we are beyond excited. After picking the kiddo's up Sawyer asked me if we could go look at the new house. At this time it is only a poured foundation, but it is a start. We have to be out of our current house on May 28th and are moving into a temporary twin home until our house is completed. It will be a bitter sweet day to leave our current home. This is where we came home as a married couple, brought both our babies home to, made a life, a family. This house has so many warm memories attached. I can only hope that it will serve the new homeowners well. In the end it is just a house and the people in it our what make it a home but I get sort of sentimental and cheesy about these type of things.
Anyhoo..I am tired and it has been a long day so short post for the evening. Oh, but recommendation..watch God's Not Dead..wasn't quite what I expected but a good message and decent movie none the less.
Jo
